


Alistair's Regret

by gaurdian9sunshine



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, F/M, Light Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 23:05:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3226841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaurdian9sunshine/pseuds/gaurdian9sunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the final days of the life of Solona Amell, circle mage and the Warden who united Fereldan to face the fifth Archdemon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alistair's Regret

Alistair begins to run towards Ft Drakon. He has never ran so fast in his entire life. He cuts down darkspawn but nothing slows him down in the least. What was he thinking, letting her go off to kill the Archdemon herself? She will not die, not if he can help it. He sees Shianni and she says she was here not too long ago. He keeps on running, hoping, praying to the Maker that she is still alive. Then he realizes he is too late. He feels the archdemon’s soul leaving its body, and entering hers. He climbs the huge tower, but he knows she isn’t there anymore. Leliana walks up to Alistair and hands him a letter, with a rose folded in the middle.   
“She told us, she told us what will happen. She, she asked me to give you this.”

 

Alistair,  
By the time you read this letter, I will already be dead, I will already be gone. You already know that, but I had to write that. It makes it that much more real. Even though me and Morrigan became friends along the way somehow, I still don’t trust her. I never trusted that apostate, but I kept her around because she was useful. She told me there was a way out of dying when killing the archdemon. She would have a child and the child would have the soul of an old god. I couldn’t let that happen. I did not want the archdemon to survive after I kill it. I did not want any part of the archdemon to survive, no matter what the cost, even if that cost was my life. If I had known about this, I might have recruited Loghain and told him to take the final blow. Things might’ve turned out differently if we had known, but we didn’t, and I would not do anything that would make you feel betrayed.   
You are the King. You are brave and strong and you do what is right, even when it might be easier not to. Looking back out of all the time we shared, knowing what we both know now, I do not regret the time I was with you. It was the best time I had my entire life. I was able to help people with the abilities the Maker gave me, and not have to hide away in a tower. At first I had to put on a brave face and pretend to know what I was doing, but then you helped me every step of the way. Decisions that were hard for me to make, you helped me to make. You stayed with me when I needed you. You wouldn’t let me give up, no matter how difficult or terrible everything may seem, you kept me going. Darling, you have to keep going.   
When we were trapped in the fade, Niall said ordinary people can do extraordinary things when they have to. I’m not anyone special. I know you don’t believe that, but it’s true. I was thrust into something I knew nothing about, and I did my best, and we did what we had to so we could survive. So go my love, become the King that I knew you are capable of being. I am proud to have known the King of Ferelden. Don’t blame yourself for what happened to me. It was my decision to make. If you get mad, get mad at me. Get angry that a warden has to die when he or she kills the archdemon. Never blame yourself. I am glad to have died in your place. I love you. Yours forever,  
Solona   
He keeps reading the note over and over, trying to memorize it. How can she ever think that he would be mad at her? He looks down at her lifeless body in his arms, that young girl, not even twenty years old. Her life was stolen from her. She always helped people. She always put other people above herself. You will not be forgotten, my love, my only.


	2. Her Mabari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair is grieving while her mabari keeps following him around.

Alistair doesn't know how long he held her. Tears still streaming down his eyes. He feels a hand on his shoulder.   
“Alistair..” Leliana says softly. “She deserves a funeral.”  
“She deserves much more than a funeral, she deserves life.” Alistair says, choking back sobs as he speaks. He sounds like he has been defeated.  
“I will arrange it.”  
“I want it to be in Redcliffe, and I want to give the eulogy.”  
“Alright.” Leliana says, wanting to say more, but choosing not to. She is going to miss their friend, too. Alistair carries her lifeless body down to the tower entrance, while Sten, Wynne and Leliana kill off any remaining darkspawn they missed, which were few. Dogger is waiting for him when he gets there. He follows Alistair around afterwards.   
He gives her body to the Chantry, and Leliana discusses with them the arrangements of the funeral.  
He takes the letter out of his pocket and reads it again. He notices Dogger sitting beside him.  
“She told you, didn’t she?”  
Dogger lets out a small whimper.  
“Even if you were there at her side, this would've happened.”  
Dogger lays down and puts his head at his paws, his muzzle touching the ground.  
“So, what are you going to do now?”  
Dogger sits on all fours and howls. A blood curdling howl. Alistair didn't realize, but many people are standing around him and her mabari. Some crying, some staring.  
“I miss her too.” Alistair says, not paying any attention to the gathering they attracted. Dogger walks over to him and licks his face. He starts sobbing after that. Dogger sits there and waits. After he stops crying, Dogger licks his face, removing the tear stains.   
For the next few days, Dogger follows him around. Alistair keeps asking if he is lost, but Dogger has a hurt expression on his face every time he asks.   
“You know, you don’t have to follow me around like you followed her around. You belonged to her, not me. You can find someone else if you want.”  
Dogger whimpers at the prospect.   
Alistair hears a knock at the door.  
“Who is it?” He says.  
“It’s me.” Leliana says through the door.  
“Come on in.” he says, as she opens the door and enters.  
She is carrying some paperwork and something official looking from the Chantry. He realizes these are funeral announcements.   
“The Chantry has heeded to my request and is going to deliver her body to Redcliffe in a weeks time. There will be a Revered Mother there, but you will be the one giving the eulogy, as requested.”  
“Thank you.”  
“There is another thing. I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it however. She told me this, before she.. She told Dogger to watch out for you. He’s imprinted on you, hasn’t he?”  
“It appears he has. Thanks for telling me. I didn’t notice it until now.” He looks down at her mabari, no, his mabari and pets him on the head, and behind the ears. Somewhere, deep down, he knew Dogger would help him through.


	3. Final Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solona Amell prepares for the final battle against the archdemon.

She hears Morrigan walk out of the room as she stares at the fire, listening to the flames crack and the wood split. She pauses for a moment, wondering if she made the right decision. There is no room for doubt now, she tells herself. She leaves her room and walks down the hall to Alistair’s room, to find the door open, and him getting ready to sleep. He sees her walk into the room.  
“Can’t sleep either?” he says.  
“I haven’t tried yet. Morrigan’s gone. She won’t be helping us.”  
“Something happen?”   
“Yes, I made a decision that she didn’t agree with and she left. I wanted to see you. I know I shouldn’t be in here, but..” Alistair walks over to her and kisses her. He puts both of his hands to either side of her face, like he did with their first kiss. He is forceful, but she doesn’t mind. Her back hits the wall and he stop for a moment as he closes the door and locks it.   
“I’m scared, Alistair.” she says as he puts his hand on her shoulder.  
“I will protect you.”   
“From an archdemon?” she says in disbelief.   
“Especially from an archdemon.”  
“Does that mean..?”  
He answers her with another kiss. She realizes then he intends on making the final blow if Riordan doesn’t. She realizes she can’t take him with her to face the archdemon, that this is it.   
The urgency in their kisses and touches, getting her out of her armor, and him his clothes, the way she digs her fingers into his back as he enters her, gasping his name. The way he looks at her. She knows this is it. She loves him more than she thought she ever could, or was even permitted to by someone like her.   
They cover themselves up after, foreheads touching, their arms wrapped around the each other.   
“I love you, Alistair.”  
“I love you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solona Amell marches with her forces to face the archdemon, knowing what fate awaits her.

The march to Denerim was terrible. Not only did they have to sleep in tents the whole where there, but she couldn’t share a tent with Alistair. There were some nights she didn’t even sleep at all. She decides to write a letter one night before going to sleep, Leliana joined her.  
“Hey,” Solona says as she approaches.   
“Are you ok?”  
“No, but thanks for asking.” she says, looking down to finishing the rest of her letter.  
“What are you writing?” she asks curiously.  
“A letter. I have to ask you something. I need you to give this letter to Alistair. Not now, but later. I will tell you everything when.. when I am ready.”  
“Why can’t you give it to him?”  
“Like I said, when I am ready.” she says, and Leliana doesn’t press her anymore. Leliana walks over to her own tent and enters it. She takes out her pack and retrieves the rose Alistair gave her when they first started dating. She folds the letter around the rose. She cuts the stem off so it will fit better and so the letter won’t tear. She holds onto it for a moment, and then places it in her pack.  
Dogger perks his head up when he sees her take the rose out. She places the letter in a safe place. He comes over and licks her fingers. She bends down so he can lick her face, and he does so.   
“I need to tell you something, Dogger.” He stops licking her face and looks at her and whines.  
“I need you to look after Alistair. Not right now. But after.” she says and a look of confusion comes to his face. Another whine escapes his throat.  
“I will not make it. I will die when I kill the archdemon.” he begins to whimper and looks like he is about to howl.   
“You can save that until after..” he comes over to her, licking her face. She didn’t realize until then she is crying. She goes into her tent and has Dogger sleep in the tent with her. Something she used to not allow, but she decided to make an exception. 

\-------  
There are not far from Denerim now. She can sense the darkspawn near. She is as ready as she is going to be. She has heavy armor on for once. One of the benefits of being an Arcane Warrior. 

“Before you stands the might of the darkspawn horde! Gaze upon them now, but fear them not! This woman beside me is a native of Ferelden, risen to the ranks of the Gray Wardens! She is proof that glory is within reach of us all! She has survived despite the odds, and without her, none of us would be here! Today we save Denerim! Today, we avenge the death of my brother, King Calian! But most of all, we show the Gray Wardens that we remember and honor their sacrifice! For Ferelden! For the Gray Wardens!”

There is chaos everywhere. Blood and fire. Darkspawn. They route the darkspawn in the area right outside the gates.   
“Bring with you three. We don’t want to attract too much attention.” Riordan says, and she knows he is right. Alistair walks over to her like he is going to go into the city.  
“You’re not coming, Alistair.”  
“My place is with you. You need another warden in there.”  
“We both know why you want to come with me, Alistair. We both know how this is going to end.”  
“But..”  
“I love you.”   
He kisses her one last time.  
She says goodbye to all her friends she has made. Wishing she could tell all of them, but choosing only to tell the three she brought with her. Sten, Leliana and Wynne follow her to the gates of the city as the people cheer.   
After they get into the city, she knows she doesn’t have a lot of time to tell them, and she turns to face them. She hands Leliana the letter. She puts in a secure place inside her leather armor.  
“Please keep that safe. I’m ready now. I need to tell you all something. Probably not supposed to, being a gray warden secret, but I need to.”  
“What is this about?” Wynne says.  
“No magic can fix this. No amount of planning ahead will suffice, nor will prays save me. Do you know why wardens are needed?”  
“Their skill?” Leliana says.  
“That’s what I guessed too, Leliana. The taint within us. The archdemon is an empty soulless vessel, and the gray warden is not. The taint within the archdemon passes to a darkspawn and it can be born again renewed. Instead it enters the warden. The warden.. well. The warden dies.” She inhales and exhales sharply.  
“How long have you known this?”  
“When we went back to Redcliffe after the landsmeet. Not long. We need to keep on going.”  
“Solona?” Wynne asked,  
“Yes? Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”  
“I’m proud, infinitely proud to have called you friend.” Wynne says.  
A tear streams down Solona’s face.  
“Let’s get moving, shall we?” Solona says, with a lump in her throat.   
Everyone nods in agreement. They begin their walk to fort Drakon. They kill many darkspawn along the way. They knew this wouldn’t be easy. Solona both heals her allies and kills darkspawn. She uses ice and fire and dispels curses along the way. She is a terrifying sight. They help the elves in the Alienage and also kill another darkspawn general. They begin to walk over the bridge and they see the archdemon. Solona forgets how to move, ice feels like it is pulsing in her veins. The archdemon destroys the bride behind them. She takes a moment to compose herself, and trudges forward.   
They see Riordan jump on the back of the archdemon. She watches as they both struggle. She sees Riordan cut its wing with his sword. He falls, but so does the Archdemon. It lands at the top of the tower. She wished that he would kill it, but it is left to her. She knew this was coming. A tear streams down her face. They go through an unfamiliar area where there are stairs, tons of stairs. They fight their way through to get to tower and ultimately the archdemon who is waiting for her.   
They reach the tower. They cut their way through darkspawn and undead alike. They climb the steps to each level. Killing darkspawn as they go. They get to the top and she pauses.   
“This is it. Is everyone ready?”  
“I am.” Wynne says first.  
“Yes, Kadan.”  
Leliana walks up to her and hugs her. “Me too.”  
“Let’s go.” she says, as she opens the door.  
Riordan was right. Nothing she has done thus far has prepared her for this. She throws everything she has at it, and more, and it still goes strong. She keeps her friends alive. Healing them when necessary, and drinking lyrium potion after lyrium potion to ensure her mana doesn’t run out. They start to wear it down. Slowly. She cloaks herself with the fade. She feels like she is barely here. She sees Leliana using a bastila to hit the archdemon. She orders Sten and Wynne to protect her, and she does as well. The archdemon flies about. Eventually it lands near where they are and she orders them to attack. She sees that it is weakening. She shrugs off her fade cloak spell. She sees an opening. She runs towards the archdemon, picking up a greatsword as she goes. She slices it neck open. It head falls to the ground. The archdemon begins to glow. She sees her friends watch as the light surrounds her. She sees and feels Wynne channeling healing magic into her, but she knows it won’t do any good. There is a shockwave, and everyone is blasted back, but alive, aside from the Warden.


End file.
